The concept of a soulmate often baffles all of us. The idea that there’s just one special person who is perfect for us seems like a far-fetched fairytale. However, is it?
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines soulmate as:
1: a person who’s perfectly suited to a different in temperament.
Two: a person who strongly resembles another in attitudes or beliefs soul mates.
I’m a relationship coach and a happily married woman now, but before that I struggled with relationship for ages. Due to my experiences, I must concur with Webster’s definition.
Yes, he was definitely different from the rest however, the relationship itself was exceptional because of the five reasons:
1. Things are just easier.
Perhaps you have heard the quotation that matters should be easy from the beginning before. Frankly, I thought that was a bunch of crap considering that every connection I had in the past wasn’t so easy.
My old relationships always started with challenges and issues. Seeing my parent’s constant chaos growing up made me think, possibly fighting is normal in relationships.
However, I came to understand that this belief was not true. From the start we were transparent with one another, and we were both very genuine about who we were.
Our past, present, and future was spoke about without fear of judgment. And we were our authentic selves with each other. Previously, if I shared something challenging for me personally, I would be judged, designed to feel shame, and made to feel less than I am. (I didn’t know it back then, but those other spouses were indirectly telling me they weren’t a fantastic fit.)
So it’s important when you find that special person that they embrace ALL of you including your past, excellent parts, and present flaws. You know you’re in the ideal sort of relationship when you feel accepted, safe, and protected.
2. Your connection non-negotiables are met.
Many people wing it if it comes to dating (I sure did), we actually don’t sit down and think about dating non-negotiables (aka deal-breakers) before we embark on our relationship trip. But I finally made my list and prepared myself.
I focused on core values that need to be aligned with my spouse for the relationship to work. And I found that there was definitely a major difference once I dated someone with various non-negotiables–we constantly fought all the time. I never thought to screen them before committing to a relationship, that led to me wanting to modify the person I was having to more of what I desired, and vice versa for him. And that wasn’t fair!
But with my soulmate, it was distinct. We had much in common and saw a lot of matters eye-to-eye, so it was hard to locate battle within our relationship. Our conversations were about what fun trip we were taking next.
Some examples are their partner must want a family or must be fiscally accountable.
Because of this one of the major indications that you’ve discovered the one, is whether your partner has fulfilled all of your relationship non-negotiables. Then you know you both are on precisely the same path in life.
3. Actions fit words.
I kissed a lot of frogs that assured me the world. I used to get sucked in by all the discussions concerning the future and I wanted to believe in their own potential.
Unfortunately, nothing came to fruition. It ended up being a bunch of over-promises and beneath deliveries. I made a pact to myself that I would not hear a man’s sales pitch anymore, and that I’d actually listen to his actions.
I’d present my dates 90 days to prove themselves to be men of the word. (Hey, companies give new hires 90 days, there’s got to be a reason for that!)
Guess what? That’s precisely the time frame when I would I begin to see people get overly comfy, things would fall apart, and they’d reveal their true colors–their actions didn’t match their words.
Except for one individual that stood out regularly. You guessed it, that is why he is my husband! So pay attention to how commitments are made–Can they respect the times they state they will call you, time they say to arrive to get a date, and the trips that they promise to take with you?
If their actions consistently match their words, it’s a fantastic sign that, during your connection, they’ll be someone you can rely on and trust.
4. The people you love, enjoy them too.
I knowI know… for the most part we all should not base our decisions on other’s opinions. But I’m a firm believer of Like attracts Like. But this only works in the event that you have a network of people that you know, like, and trust with your life. In case you’ve got a lot of superficial friends, then their opinions aren’t worth a grain of salt.
For the longest time I would take a boyfriend home to meet my friends and loved ones. They’d cringe, take notice, and discuss concerns. I fought every one of them and stayed until the connection doomed itself.
Perhaps I was uncooperative and didn’t want anyone telling me what to do. But deep inside, I knew they were perfect. I mean, they knew me for quite a while, so of course that they can see the danger ahead.
We’d only been dating a week and people were asking how long have you known each other, seems like years. This was a sign!
If your closest friends and the people you trust say things like,”he/she is perfect for you” or”how long have you been relationship (you just met)”. These are signals your buddies see how natural and comfortable you are with each other and it’s a good indication that you’re on the ideal track to choosing the one.
5. You bring out the best in each other.
During my years of painfully dating, I will say my skill to pick a fantastic date was definitely broken. I seemed to constantly pick men that I needed to rescue or who had been emotionally unavailable. I found myself defeated, hopeless, and drained.
It was only when I began consciously dating that I began to pay attention to how I felt around different folks. I didn’t fall for sweet words or promises, but I actually asked myself,”Am I growing about that individual?” And”Can this individual bring out the very best in me?”
I know we all would like a companion in our own lives, but remember to be the chooser and find a person that brings out the very best in you and that you challenge also. That’s when you will know you’ve found the one.